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I looked up parks in Ota ward in the morning. I felt like going somewhere I can hear the rustling sounds of trees. While browsing the results, it turned out there was one that has a beach. I was not sure if it’s called a beach per se, but it does have sea water coming at the land. Since I just thought the other day that it would be nice to go to sea sometime, this park became the destination for the day.

It took me about 25 minutes to get there by bike. At the park, there were people, mostly families that have small children, enjoying themselves by playing at the beach, having a nap in a tent, blowing bubbles, and so forth. I liked the vibes. I didn’t end up being too self-conscious, which felt rather relieving. I took photos with my camera. It was the first time I could do so without feeling embarrassed or mocked. Some of the photos I took looked pretty decent. Whenever I take photos, whether or not I expect beforehand, some of them often turned out to be rather good. I don’t know if it’d be true when others evaluate it, but it makes me feel like I’m looked after by a god of the photograph. I might be a little to excited about the fact that I was able to use my camera in pubic and the photos actually looked better than I had anticipated.

Can’t recall the name of the cat I lived with in Newhaven.

Tired.

Showed up to the office early, but didn’t have enough time to even start thinking about how I could do my job better. The tranquility unique to early morning lasted only for a minute, and it got busy as if it resumed from the last Friday.

I did my best. Yet, a colleague of mine acted like a prick as per usual. She said the mistake I made embarrassed her and led her to make another mistake, indicating all the mistake were to be attributed to me. What a cunt. Perhaps I should ask her someday what exactly she tries to do when she accuses me of something I have done. From my viewpoint, she only attempts to prove that she is superior to me by convincing that I should feel guilty about my own existence. What seems to underlie her motive is evidently low self-esteem and a view of the world where she barely perceives herself as an individual; in other words, it seems that she doesn’t feel like she holds a space to be amidst thousands of people and is afraid of someone arguing in the face that she doesn’t hold any space. As a result, she can’t help accusing someone nearby when they do something that could undermine their space. I think there is no fucking point in doing so, and it is quite harmful if such behaviour involves others over and over again. She would not stop doing so, however. All I can is just learn a way of psychologically dodging her words and show her that it wouldn’t work anymore.

The weather was great. I wish it lasts for the next 200 years. I played with logic and some new plugins in the morning. Whilst doing so, I sent gifts to my parents and replied to my friend, which took me about 40 minutes. My parents seemed glad, which was nice.

in the afternoon, I went out to buy sponges to do do the dishes. When I bought them at a 100 yen shop in Ikegami, I got curious about what Ikegami station would look like and headed for it. It turned out that the station had a supermarket, a cafe, as well as a library in the upper floor of the building. The cafe was rather roomy, and the library looked new and clean. When i looked for toilet, a male staff member asked me if I was searching for a bathroom and told me the direction. Later in the evening, I found out that I can’t read in my room because I got sleepy; so, it would be a good idea to go to this library when I want to read. I think it’s nice to have a public space to go when you want to get out of the room.

As for music production, I worked on Anya in London, which is a song that I wrote for my friend Anya when I was in the UK. She was unquestionably my best friend at the time. We don’t communicate anymore since she stopped texting me back. Perhaps I ought to send her a message, but I can’t find a reason to force myself to do so. Friendships are fragile. Anyhow, I tried to do the guitar part with my electric guitar and recorded several takes. After that, I felt that it would probably be better to record it with an acoustic one. I’ll give it a try sometime by the next weekend.

Also, I created a new social media account. It’s called a parasaurolophus looking after plants. As I was happy with a plastic figure of parasaurolophus which I bought yesterday, I thought it would be fun to use it as a medium with which to play with social media. I have learned that I’ll be drained if I try to manage social media in order to obtain impressions and followers; therefore, I must have some playful elements within the process of making my own account. I’m not sure what style would actually fit to me yet, but it would always be the first and necessary step to just begin. Hope it turns out well.

Nice and sunny all day. After finishing cleaning the room (except for the drainage), I went to Jiyu-gaoka to buy a couple of things: toothbrushes, a dinosaur plastic figure, a strap for a camera, a present for my friend whom I’m gonna visit in a few weeks, and so forth. The camera strap doesn’t go well with my camera. In Jiyu-gaoka, there were a path where the breeze felt really pleasant on my skin and so I walked through more than once for no reason. At night,I made miso-soup for myself for the first time in the last few weeks. As there’re pimples on my face now, I think I need to eat more veggies and something nutritiously good.

I thought about the conversation I had with my parents and grandma. They said that it has been increasingly difficult for my grandpa to keep his temper, and whenever my grandma said to him something that opposed his opinion or indicated his behaviour was impolite, he got furious and yelled at her. She said that he used to have a gentle side, with which she could go well, but she couldn’t find it as their marriage continued. My parents assumed that the shift in his character might be caused of his upbringing, where he was raised by his grandmother and he didn’t have much chance to get in touch with his parents. My dad also said that the working of prefrontal cortex of his brain might have been declined, and it led to his short temper.

When I listened to their conversation, I felt slightly sad given how my grandma had to stand his crude words. But I wasn’t quite sure of what I felt towards my grandpa and what my parents said. Recalling that day, I thought that it was because, even if my parents’ guess was more or less accurate, it shouldn’t be summerised without having the presence of my grandpa. I should have said something like that amidst the conversation.

Fairly good weather. Worked 13 hours straight and got exhausted by the time I left the office. Had a headache. Posted a stupid tweet and no one gave a fuck about it. Bought several things on Amazon on the train and had a few biscuit at home.

Visited my grandpa and grandma with my parents.

It was sunny all day. In the morning, I felt much calmer than the last few days. I skipped the breakfast, and took notes as to the results of tarot reading I paid for yesterday. I took the notes on sticky notes and put them on the bottom edge of the monitor. The gist of the message was “just let yourself do something fulfilling to my soul, and don’t give a shit about what’s the right or efficient way to do it”. For me, something fulfilling to my soul would first and foremost be music making. It’s not hanging around with my friends, nor dating a woman. It’s not exercising, eating too much carbohydrates, watching short videos on social media, either. Making pieces of music that I’m content with would be of enormous significance for my life; it would mean even much more if I could create an album that only have songs I can confidently showcase to the world. I can do this, and there’s no reason to give it up now.

I saw my parents in the afternoon. We had lunch together, went for shopping, and walked home. I got two shirts, and a pale green grass that I had seen a couple months ago and have remembered since. I had a short nap until we went out again for supper, which we had at a Chinese restaurant we have known since I was little. After we were back home, I resumed creating this website and wrote the first post, which is this entry. Hello to the world!