journal

Nice and sunny all day. After finishing cleaning the room (except for the drainage), I went to Jiyu-gaoka to buy a couple of things: toothbrushes, a dinosaur plastic figure, a strap for a camera, a present for my friend whom I’m gonna visit in a few weeks, and so forth. The camera strap doesn’t go well with my camera. In Jiyu-gaoka, there were a path where the breeze felt really pleasant on my skin and so I walked through more than once for no reason. At night,I made miso-soup for myself for the first time in the last few weeks. As there’re pimples on my face now, I think I need to eat more veggies and something nutritiously good.

I thought about the conversation I had with my parents and grandma. They said that it has been increasingly difficult for my grandpa to keep his temper, and whenever my grandma said to him something that opposed his opinion or indicated his behaviour was impolite, he got furious and yelled at her. She said that he used to have a gentle side, with which she could go well, but she couldn’t find it as their marriage continued. My parents assumed that the shift in his character might be caused of his upbringing, where he was raised by his grandmother and he didn’t have much chance to get in touch with his parents. My dad also said that the working of prefrontal cortex of his brain might have been declined, and it led to his short temper.

When I listened to their conversation, I felt slightly sad given how my grandma had to stand his crude words. But I wasn’t quite sure of what I felt towards my grandpa and what my parents said. Recalling that day, I thought that it was because, even if my parents’ guess was more or less accurate, it shouldn’t be summerised without having the presence of my grandpa. I should have said something like that amidst the conversation.

Fairly good weather. Worked 13 hours straight and got exhausted by the time I left the office. Had a headache. Posted a stupid tweet and no one gave a fuck about it. Bought several things on Amazon on the train and had a few biscuit at home.

Visited my grandpa and grandma with my parents.

It was sunny all day. In the morning, I felt much calmer than the last few days. I skipped the breakfast, and took notes as to the results of tarot reading I paid for yesterday. I took the notes on sticky notes and put them on the bottom edge of the monitor. The gist of the message was “just let yourself do something fulfilling to my soul, and don’t give a shit about what’s the right or efficient way to do it”. For me, something fulfilling to my soul would first and foremost be music making. It’s not hanging around with my friends, nor dating a woman. It’s not exercising, eating too much carbohydrates, watching short videos on social media, either. Making pieces of music that I’m content with would be of enormous significance for my life; it would mean even much more if I could create an album that only have songs I can confidently showcase to the world. I can do this, and there’s no reason to give it up now.

I saw my parents in the afternoon. We had lunch together, went for shopping, and walked home. I got two shirts, and a pale green grass that I had seen a couple months ago and have remembered since. I had a short nap until we went out again for supper, which we had at a Chinese restaurant we have known since I was little. After we were back home, I resumed creating this website and wrote the first post, which is this entry. Hello to the world!