journal

「こうすればよかったのに」「こうすべきだったのに」という趣旨の話を延々とすることで、相手が次の行動を起こそうと奮起したり、次の行動のための安心を得られたりすることがどれだけあるだろうか。私は、多くはないと思う。話したのは30分ほどだったが、終わる頃にはすっかり疲弊して、疲れたことを隠す気も失せていた。帰り道、音楽がいつもよりもクリアに聞こえた。

仕事の成り行きで、Codexを使ったバイブコーディングを始めた。つらつら出力されるおすすめ案を試してみて、うまくいかないところが出てきて、少し直して、もう一度試して、の繰り返し。直線的に改善できるものでもないとは思うが、少しずつ目標としている状態に近づいていく感じは悪くない。

Without anticipating, I happened to have to start working on vibe coding as part of my work. I had next to no clue as to what I was going to do, but I have been figuring out how I could deal with it one by one since I began. It is a circular process of trying out something the AI suggests, coming across some errors or obstacles, amending a few details, operating the system again, working on another error…and on and on. It is not too bad to make a little improvement with every step you take, I reckon.

A colleague of mine left the company I’m working for. Observing her behaviour during the day, I thought that she　couldn’t stop putting on airs in front of others. Wish she has a good life ahead.

While meditating in the afternoon, I noticed that I recalled tweets I posted over the last few weeks and thought repeatedly to myself, “I should have written blah blah blah instead of what I actually wrote”. When taking a step back psychologically and observed what I was doing, I came to think that the regret might be a representation of the underestimation of my capacity to handle life here and now.

Bought a pack of biscuits on my way home. It was totally unnecessary because I managed to have miso soup, rise, and natto, which is my quintessential supper. The supper tastes better than most when you make it for yourself; it fulfilled my heart. I still ate several biscuits while using the PC though.

it has been a while since I made miso soup after work. I should celebrate myself for it.

It is incredibly draining. I thought today that I have not lost my appetite for creating stuff; I have just long been addicted to the neural stimulation given by social media. I really, really want to get out of this state. I got a book called “Hard to Break: Why Our Brains Make Habits”. I will give it a read and see what I can do, for a start.

I attended protests in Japan three times in the last few weeks. I chose to show up because I would have liked to know what I would feel when being a part of protesters. I wanted to know my opinions against the government that would come out of my mouth in reaction to other protesters’ presence and voices.

The protests were all held against the political activity (as well as inactivity) of the current ruling party, Liberal Democratic Party, and lots of misconducts that they have been denying or avoiding giving decent explanations (which has to lead immediately to the resignation of many of its members). I think it is astonishing that they keep its name today, for what they are doing represents absolutely nothing whatsoever that could be conceived of associated with it.

Seeing the news on social media and a newspaper, I thought they were going to kill the population. It might not be their purpose, but it definitely is part of the blue print for how they want to dominate the nation. They keep insisting that they would like to radically change the constitution, specifically the part that argues for perpetual protection of human rights as well as renunciation of military force of any kind. It has not been realised yet, but it would be no surprise that it comes true in a month, witnessing a number of outrageous bills passed on as easily as the flow of a river. A bill that tries to amend the constitution in such a way that under a given emergent circumstance (whose definition will be up to the government), they restrict the basic rights of the population such as the right for vote, a bill that allows the government to collect private information of individuals and pass on to US companies at their request, a bill that forbids damaging the Japanese national flag in any way, to name a few. Clearly, they intend to recreate the situation right before the World War II. Yet, unbelievably, they keep pretending that they do not. I cannot help but feel this cannot be real.

At the protests I attended, I saw people who seemed to have varied backgrounds. At the first protest I showed up, which took place in front of the National Diet Building, I listened to a woman’s speech. To my recollection, she listed the problems Takaichi never takes accountability for, and then quoted Gandhi. The quote was about the significance of showing up to a protest, even if it makes any difference right away; he said that it is still significant as one does not only protest to change those in power, but also to protect oneself from the power and know who they are. I think it is the essence of protesting even if you do not have anything that makes sounds or cards with messages. You have hands or skin to clap and voices to say out loud, anyway. More fundamentally, the body of your own shows the fragile, yet tangible, actual, and living being, which cannot be summerised to a number on the statistics or a concept that consists of military force.

There would be little that I can make difference to this. But I need to put myself out there as much as I can and prove that I am, and so are many others. I am against the war.

Nightmare is just around the corner. Living in Japan, I have to stress that this is no joke. It now seems that the government attempts to dominate the whole nation and annihilate the country to contribute to former Unification Church, which is a notorious cult. This is a country that is ruled by a cult. There is no living here. Fucking insane.

A typhoon came to the island, and I worked at home. I cooked for lunch.

Worked too long, I think. I left the office around 10 pm. I happened to know that a colleague of mine was gonna quit n a month or two. On my way home, words flowed out of my mind, which turned into texts on the posts on Twitter. The sensation made me feel strangely high. Ending up feeling anxious and excited, I tried to lessen the stress I felt on my neck and back by playing a synthesiser, but it didn’t work quite well. Needed to know the basics.